Win-Win Negotiations Can Make You A Sore Loser!

Every now and then, a reasonably prominent or especially vocal person has a high-profile catharsis, a moment of revelation in which he pops-off and tells it like it is.

A few weeks ago, for instance, I debated a fellow on CNBC and he said he was fed-up with the rhetoric used by companies to make it seem their customers are part of a big, happy family.

Baloney, he declared. The purpose of a customer is to make a company profitable. We're not seeking friends or dinner guests when we open our doors for business; we're trying to make money-period.

Likewise, much has been written and many seminars bear the name, "Win-Win" Negotiating. The concept is both parties to a negotiation can walk away thoroughly satisfied with the outcome, providing participants utilize enlightened communication practices.

When I see ads for these products, I have mixed emotions. Like Santa Claus, I want to believe, but my rationality intrudes and says there's no way a guy that big is going to squeeze through my chimney.

Yes, under certain circumstances, all parties can conclude bargaining feeling pleased as punch, but as individual negotiators we cannot unilaterally produce this outcome. Just as it takes two-to-tango, it takes both parties buying into a happy-happy, interest-based negotiating style to make sessions especially cordial, fair, and agreeable.

If one side won't play along, or uses a more pugilistic method, you, by yourself, cannot accomplish a Win-Win outcome.

I hold a Black Belt in Chinese Kenpo Karate, having studied the art at a dojo for more than eight years. In Kenpo, we're taught to use everything-strikes, kicks, words, furniture, trash can lids, and even our feet, to run away from a fight, when that's appropriate.

The philosophy is as follows: (1) Avoid a fight altogether, whenever you can; (2) If you cannot avoid it, use only the quantum of force necessary to render your opponent a non-threat; and (3) If that's not possible, well, kill him if you must.

I see negotiating much as I do Kenpo. If both parties can walk away unscathed, that's the best outcome, but it isn't the most common. You have to prepare for the worst, become highly trained, use everything at your disposal, and emerge the winner, if there is only going to be ONE.

Leave the fairy tale fighting to idealists, such as those that practice Aikido. Their art is purely defensive, but from my view, it is woefully inadequate and incomplete for fighting real adversaries and the real bad guys in the real world.

Be on your guard when negotiating, and appreciate if you stick only to win-win negotiating, it can make you a sore loser!

Are you looking for the Best Practices in Negotiation?, in sales, customer service, or telemarketing training? Contact us.

Dr. Gary S. Goodman is a top trainer, conference and convention speaker, and sales, customer service, and negotiation consultant. A frequent expert commentator on radio and TV, he is also the best-selling author of 12 books, more than 1,000 articles and several popular audio and video programs. His seminars are sponsored internationally and he is a faculty member at more than 40 universities, including UC Berkeley and UCLA. Gary's sales, management and consulting experience is combined with impressive academic credentials: A Ph.D. from USC, an MBA from the Peter F. Drucker School of Management, and a J.D. degree from Loyola Law School, his clients include several Fortune 1000 companies.

His web site is: http://www.customersatisfaction.com and he can be reached at: gary@customersatisfaction.com His blogs include: YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS! and ALWAYS COLD CALL! at: http://www.alwayscoldcall.blogspot.com

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