Best Practices in Negotiation #5 - Use Meta-Communication to Counter Crafty Ploys

I was negotiating a significant consulting contract with a very straight-laced Midwestern natural resources corporation.

My counterpart, a fellow who seemed to handle himself very well, was not at all cooperating with me to seal a deal, so instead of walking away from our negotiations, I simply said:

"You're following an interesting negotiation strategy here, but I'm sensing it's not a good fit. Whose playbook does it come from: Is it Karrass, Nierenberg, or Cohen?"

These were three well known authors at the time, so I wasn't completely surprised when he replied, somewhat sheepishly: "Karrass."

I just smiled, and suggested we get back on track.

From that moment, we negotiated in good faith and quite efficiently, drafting what turned out to be a successful agreement for both parties.

Gamesmanship, egos, and the sheer exhilaration of trying to come up with a big victory can easily ruin a negotiation. But you can put things right BY COMMENTING ON THE PROGRESS OF THE NEGOTIATION, ITSELF.

This is what I did, and I took a certain gamble when I asked him to identify his "silent partner" to our bargaining session. But this gambit, called "meta-communication," in research circles, is sometimes the ONLY way to get a failing encounter back on track.

Meta-communication is defined as: "Talking about the way we're talking with the goal of improving our communication."

"We're getting a little too loud here, and I'm not able to focus on the underlying problem, so if we can tone it down a little, I'd appreciate it and I think we'll get more done."

That is talking about the way we're talking to improve our communication, and you should try this in your negotiations.

Are you negotiating one of the big deals in life: for a house, car, promotion, or major contract? Contact us for Best Practices coaching, consulting, seminars, and on-site training.

Dr. Gary S. Goodman is a top trainer, conference and convention speaker, and sales, customer service, and negotiation consultant. A frequent expert commentator on radio and TV, he is also the best-selling author of 12 books, more than 1,000 articles and several popular audio and video programs. His seminars are sponsored internationally and he is a faculty member at more than 40 universities, including UC Berkeley and UCLA. Gary's sales, management and consulting experience is combined with impressive academic credentials: A Ph.D. from USC, an MBA from the Peter F. Drucker School of Management, and a J.D. degree from Loyola Law School, his clients include several Fortune 1000 companies.

His web site is: http://www.customersatisfaction.com and he can be reached at: gary@customersatisfaction.com His blogs include: YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS! and ALWAYS COLD CALL! at: http://www.alwayscoldcall.blogspot.com

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